Friday, December 30, 2011
This past Wednesday (December 28, 2011) I went for my 19 wk Ultrasound. That is the most important ultrasound. When I was pregnant with Faith, at the 20 wk ultrasound that is when they noticed the dwarfism. The day before the ultrasound I was so nervous and on edge. Part of me had confidence that this baby is going to be healthy, but there was the other side that was so afraid that my world is going to come crashing down. After the ultrasound the Radiologist told me that there is no sign of Thanotophoric Dysplasia. She could not be certain that but it looks like a boy. So until it can be confirmed we are going neutral colors. My instinct says it is a boy. When Will came in the room to see our little baby I just broke down in tears, happy tears.
I am so glad that you have opened up your lives to hear about my journey. You are sticking by in good and bad. I am blessed to share my joys and heartaches. Thank you all. In case you are wondering this blog is still going. I just want to acknowledge you all and to say Thank you!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
This Christmas was AWESOME!!!!
Friday night started off with celebrating Mom's birthday with my nephew Justin. On Christmas Eve we exchanged presents with Justin.
I am so glad to have spent Christmas with my Dad. It meant a lot to me. Last night, Will, Mom, Dad and I went to Christmas Eve Candlelight Service, it was amazing. When the candles were lit and the whole room was so bright. I love seeing the room lit up with candles.
My Uncle Dave and Aunt Corrine stopped in for a visit this afternoon. For dinner it was Mom, Dad, Jon, Maryann and Kyle. I even made cheesecake. The dinner was so yummy. Mom, Will and I worked as a team to get dinner ready.
About a month ago Will and I got a Tassimo. We loved it. When I saw the selection between Tassimo and Keurig I was so upset. Keurig has way more selection in product. Jon, Maryann, Mom and the kids got Will and I a Keurig and some k-cups. Needless to say Mom got the Tassimo.
I just want to say MERRY CHRISTMAS! Hope you had a great one like I did!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
The reason why I am so happy is because when I was pregnant with Faith that test raised the red flag that there was something wrong. Faith had a Nuchal Translcency of 5mm and she came back with a risk of Trisectomy 18.
So I have a reason to by happy. The big ultrasound will be at 19 wks, December 28. Once I hear that the growth is going well I will be able to be 100% relaxed!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Yesterday I had another ultrasound. Normally you have the 12wk, then the 20wk, but because of my last pregnancy I have a little bit more. So far everything is looking good. There is no concern shown yet. When I saw the arms I was so happy. They looked longer than Faith's arms when she was born at 35ks gestation. I am more at ease. in 4 weeks will be the big ultrasound where we will find out the growth and if there is any sign of Thanotophoric Dysplasia and if it is a boy or girl (that is if the baby will let us see). I am pretty sure that this baby is going to be a healthy one.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
It is hard to believe that I am now in my second trimester. It just seemed like yesterday that I found out I was pregnant. I seemed to have bypassed the morning sickness. Maybe that is why time seems to be going fast. I am so happy. May 21, cannot come fast enough. So far I am feeling optimistic that this baby is going to be healthy. I am so happy that Christmas is coming. This past weekend the Christmas Tree went up. Decorations are up. This Christmas is going to be special. My Dad is going to be here. That means a lot to me. Anna
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Well my last blog I had to be careful of what I posted because I had this secret that I have kept from the online world. Only good friends and family knew. I found out in September I am pregnant! So this weight loss has been a struggle since I found out. The cravings have been awful. I am hoping to get back on track to healthy eating.
Wednesday was my first ultrasound. It was awesome to see that little blob! I got to see the heartbeat, so tiny! My due date is May 22, 2012.
Monday, October 10, 2011
This year was a different Thanksgiving. Usually Mom is with us to celebrate but this year she was in Hamilton visiting my cousins. It was a much needed holiday for her. This year I had to make the turkey all by myself. Normally Mom is there to help guide me. The turkey turned out good and everyone enjoyed dinner! I am so happy. I even tried Aunt Evelyn's potato casserole. That was a success! Everyone loved it. Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
On the weekend I was able to get to the pool and swim some laps. I think I did about 7 laps (start at one end of the pool and back, that is 1 lap to me). Did that in about 20 mins. I was so tired. It was not easy. I observed two other swimmers, by the time I got to the other side they completed one full lap and on the next lap. Gee I am slow. I know someday as I do it more I will be able to go faster.
Today I did 32 minutes on the treadmill, then I went to try on the Elliptical trainer. I was able to do 5 minutes and not feel so drained. Next time I might bypass the treadmill and do the Elliptical. Maybe all that training on the treadmill is making it easier to do the Elliptical. Since I am trying to get rid of the flab on my arms I did 3 sets of 10 bicep curls at 10lbs.
Since I LOVE my pizza I am trying something different I saw on Bulging Brides or Last 10lbs Bootcamp. It is a pita, was going to use tomatoe paste but a friend warned me it will taste gross so I will use pizza sauce. Veggies and they used chicken but a friend suggested turkey pepperoni. So I am going to use that. I looked at the calorie count and Turkey pepperoni is better for you. Of course the cheese, light cheese!
Have a good day!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Today was the annual Perinatal Bereavement Support of Ontario 5k Fun Run/Walk. This year it was run in Callie McIntyre's memory. This is my first year doing it and I am hoping that it will not be my last. This year I walked. I am in now shape to run. Hopefully next year I will have lost enough weight so I can run. Even better, I have hit the 20 lb mark!!!! I am so happy!
The first 2.5 km were hard but as soon as I hit the halfway point it got easier. I was so excited to do this walk. I walked in honor of my daughter Faith. I can just imagine her cheering on from Heaven. I bet she was so happy. As I am crossing the finish line I held back my emotion because I was ready to cry. I did it! I did it for, Faith, myself to prove that I can do this and all those other little Angels who are gone too soon.
Thank you all who financially supported this cause! Thank you for your moral support and thank you to Will, Joy and Trish who were there at the finish line.
I am just so blessed to have friends and family like all of you!!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
I am going through the point where I am so sick of salad. I know I need to eat it. Today I just wanted meat and nothing else!
Anyways that is all for now, I am so exhausted!!!!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
The biggest change for me that I found was hard was measuring everything! Portion control. Yesterday we had a Chicken stir fry with Uncle Ben's Chinese fried rice. When we actually weighed out 42 g I was totally surprised how much it was. One serving spoonful was too much. Amazing what you learn.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Yesterday I went over 1100 on my calorie goal. What did it, I ate a whole package of Autumn Trail Mix. 1/3 of a cup is 50 calories. I am so bad. Trail mixes are my favorite! Once I start I cannot stop. I should have listened my my voice in my head telling me to measure!!!! Word of advice, listen to that voice of reasoning!!!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Yesterday I finally purchased a scale. I officially know how much I truly weigh. My feelings, I am so embarrassed and ashamed that I have allowed myself to get that big. Honestly the thought of getting pregnant at this point I do not really want to. At the same time I want a baby so bad. Maybe the reason why I haven't conceived yet is because I am so over weight. I got this app for my iPhone it is called My Fitness Pal. It is free. You can enter in what you eat and tells you how much calories you are consuming. You enter in your weight and it calculates how much calories you should be eating. This is going to be new way for me to learn. It is not going to be easy but if I stick to it I know I can do it. Measuring everything out must be done. One thing I learned it is 140 calories per serving for Coffee with Cream and Sugar and tetley tea with Partly Skimmed milk 11 calories. So bye bye coffee! I can have tea with milk and no sugar but to have a coffee with milk and no sugar, no way!
I am looking forward to getting membership for recreation center so I can get fit. I really want to get the full membership but I am afraid I will not be able to use it as often.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
I wanted to try and see if I can do a jog. I maybe did 50m and couldn't do anymore so I kept the rest of the way to a fast walk. Even though I am disappointed that I have not conceived yet, until then I will work on getting as much weight off as I can.
Pray for me that I will have the discipline to eat healthy and exercise more. Thank you.
Friday, July 15, 2011
I do not know what to write. Just in total shock.
One year ago today, I welcomed Faith into this world and 12 minutes later I had to say good bye. Her life was only 12 minutes. Short but precious. I should be having your first birthday party but instead I am going to the cemetery. How fair is that. I love you and miss you Faith!
Today we also learned another shocker, Will's Aunt Trudy passed away. I have fond memories of her. She made me feel welcomed into the Farrow Family. I always enjoyed our chats. We did not see each other often. RIP Aunt Trudy. You are loved by many!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
At the same time I am sad because I should be watching her taking her first steps. Hearing her first words, hearing her laugh. Reading her a bedtime story, tucking her in bed at night and singing to her. I should be preparing for her 1st Birthday. My heart aches that I am not experiencing all this. Mom's do not take these moments for granted. Cherish these moments you have. Some mother is in agony because she cannot experience it herself.
Today I was thinking, what is Faith doing in Heaven? I would love to see a glimpse of what she is doing. Is she singing, dancing, making her Great Grandparents chase after her. Is she playing with the other babies? So many questions. If only I knew.
Just a reminder, remember every moment you have with your child. They are so precious!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Lately I have been struggling with feelings of jealously and resentment upon hearing of a pregnancy. Whether it is a rainbow baby or not. I should be happy for them. I just want a baby. My own baby.
The other day at work there was this little boy and he had the cutest laugh. I could hear him laughing throughout the store. All I could think of, "I would love to hear Faith's laugh.". Tried to get emotional.
That is all I have to share for now.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Today in my devotional time I felt that I needed to share this as well. All I have to say Thank you Jesus for you Grace!!!!! Hope you are encouraged by this!!!
30 Days with Paul- Women's Devotional Bible
Elusive Righteousness- Romans 3:9-26
Verses 9-20 pretty much states that we are full of sin, not righteous and under the law we would be considered not righteous.
“Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.” Romans 3:20 (NIV)
Verses 21-26 states the solution to the sin problem. It is redemption through Jesus.
“This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, For all all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that come by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:22-24 (NIV)
Thank you Jesus once again for your reminder of your grace.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
This is for you Mom! I am so blessed to have you in my life. You were there when I needed you the most. You supported me no matter what. Thank you for being you. I love you and wish you all the best!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
This weekend I am finding hard. I want to celebrate my Mom because she is an awesome woman! At the same time I am so sad because I am missing my girl. I just want to hold her and cuddle her. It hurts so much. I was determined not to go anywhere this weekend. I did go out a couple times. Honestly I couldn't go out once without someone wishing me a "Happy Mother's Day". You can't say much to them because they do not know me or know the past year has been like. So I hurry away to avoid having an emotional break down. It hurts so much. So if you happen to wish me a Happy Mother's day please do not get offended if I don't respond back. This is not an easy day.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
For those who have helped us out in many ways I just want to say Thank you!
So my birthday/ Easter Weekend went well. It was busy. I spend it mostly with family. I just didn't want to make a big thing of my birthday. My 32nd Birthday was not very well, and it cast a shadow on my future birthdays. I didn't get my wish that Faith was going to be healthy. This year for my 33rd birthday I wanted to be pregnant, well that didn't happen. On a good note one of my birthday wishes came true and that was Will got a job. It was in the field that he went to school for. So I am very proud of him. Took 5 years after he completed his schooling to get somewhere.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
This year I am just glad to be surrounded by my family. That is what means a lot to me this year!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
So with all that said and done, how is your relationship with God?
Monday, April 18, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
I am doing well other than that. There are still some days where I find it hard. What really gets to me is hearing a newborn cry. The worst part is serving a customer while their newborn is fussing. I just want to walk off my cash register but I can't. Having to hold in the tears is so hard too.
I don't know why, but I was called to cash today and came back and the $2 pricing gun I was using was taken. I was almost crying over that, oh my goodness that is totally crazy! What is wrong with me????
Sunday, March 6, 2011
For a while I just had a hard time going to church. Every part of my being did not want to be there. I would go just for the sake of going. The past few weeks have been different. My physical body just did not want to go. I just wanted to stay at home and rest, but my Spiritual being was saying, "Come on Anna, you got to go to church." I was obedient to that voice and I was totally blessed. I feel recharged, and greater felt greater joy. I don't have to force a smile, it just came naturally.
A few weeks ago I was still feeling down, it hit me. The more angry I feel towards God the devil was happy. So I decided to Praise Jesus for all he has done. After all, if I didn't have Jesus in my life I would not have been able to get through this part of my life. I would rather make God happy than the devil.
I am just a blessed woman, I have an awesome husband! My family rocks! My OCC family, my goodness what a church! They totally blessed Will and I through this difficult time. My friends, thank you all for being here for us to get through this difficult journey. Thank you Jesus! For your love displayed toward me.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
The point of that day after everyone had left and it was Will, Faith and I, deep down inside I just hoped she would suddenly just start crying because she needed to be fed. I hoped that they were so wrong and she was still alive. I miss her and it is not fair. Why did I have to come home empty handed? Why??????????????
Sunday, February 27, 2011
This morning I wasn't feeling the greatest but the thing that really stood out to me was that I really wanted to go to church. This mornings message was on Jehovah Rapha, the Lord our Healer, Exodus 15:26. I was able to sit through hearing the message without getting angry. For a long time any message on healing made me angry. I would ask God, "Why didn't you heal my baby?". I guess that is progress.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Today we are going to my friends daughter 1st birthday party. I am a little nervous because I am not sure how it is going to go with me emotionally. I will keep my head up and be joyful for little Aletheia! What a precious little girl!
Bye for now!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
We got more bad news but I can't share that. It is hard to "Trust God". I want to but I find it very difficult to take those steps, and not be angry at God. All I can say on that issue is Help! Honestly I find it very hard to go to church. I feel that there isn't anyone to talk to because I know people will say, "Have faith, Pray etc." I am sorry but that is not what I want to hear. The church these days need to realize some people don't want advice they just want a shoulder to cry on and someone to listen. Please don't take what I am saying the wrong way. It is my thoughts and feelings coming out. I love you my brothers and sisters in Christ very much.
Now I find I am at the point if the sight of a baby doesn't upset me, I have the strong desire to hold that baby. I can't walk up to a stranger, "Oh may I hold your baby?" I think they will think I am some crazy woman. Hopefully we will concieve soon. I hate the empty arms feeling.
Thank you all for reading my blog entry.