Sunday, November 25, 2012

Rejection of Bad Foods

During this weight loss journey I do have my good days where I eat healthy.  Since I started PGX daily I stopped counting calories but I found myself eating foods I should not be eating.  Yesterday was a really bad day.  My body told me very well not to eat that stuff.  I had a really bad stomach ache and you know what follows that one.  Last night I told my husband to remind me of what happens when I eat that crap.  So, as of today back to counting calories.  That way I can see exactly what I am consuming.  It does become frustraing measuring everything by servings, but I have to do what I have to do to get healthy.  


Monday, November 12, 2012

Exciting Things!!!

I know it has been a while since I posted.  This weight loss journey has been a battle.  No matter how hard I have tried cutting out the junk food and the sugar cravings where so bad.  I think about how fast time is flying and I really wanted to return to work with 100 lbs down, I am no where near that goal and Joy is almost 6 months old.

I always saw this add on TV for a product called PGX Daily and I was always wondering about it.  After googling like crazy and found not one thing negative.  I finally decided to give it a try.  October 19, 2012 is the start.  On October 20, 2012 I got to meet the spokeswoman Kathy Smith at the Oshawa Center.  I am so happy to have met her and to hear her story.  

Since starting PGX Daily I have lost 10.5 lbs.  Since starting it I have no sugar cravings!! I am able to enjoy a treat and not binge on it.  So far it has changed by life.

Since having the baby my total weight loss is 43.5 lbs.  I just reset my starting weight when I started PGX.  I highly recommend it. The first one is taken October 19, 2012 and the second one was taken November 11, 2012.


Monday, October 15, 2012

Joy's Dedication

Sunday October 14, 2012 was a big day for Joy.  She got dedicated.  You are thinking what is that? It is like a Christening but there is no water.  We believe that baptism is a personal choice that you make when you are old enough to understand.  We as parents are making a commitment to teach her and set an example to live for Jesus.  It was a special day.  Joy's Godparents are Jon and Maryann, my brother and sister in law.  I am so blessed to see the family and friends that come out to celebrate this wonderful occasion.  Thank you so much!


Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Setting the Example

Life gets so busy.  You forget the most important things.  I find I do not have the time to pick up the phone and call people.  Trying to balance everything out.  Being a Mom is not easy.  Learning to adjust is still a struggle.  The biggest thing that I have a hard time with and it is the most important thing in my life.  My devotion time and Prayer time with Jesus.  When I was a teenager it was so easy to include that in my life.  As time went on, work, social life, church activities and family life.  It is so frustrating trying to get that area back on track.  Now as a Mom and desires Joy to want to seek God, live for Him I must set the example for her.  How do you Mom's do it?


Friday, August 24, 2012

Been Awhile

It has been a while since my last post.  I have been really busy.  Trying to think of things to do to keep Joy busy.  August 19 she turned 3 months old.  So hard to believe it has been 3 months since I gave birth.  Honestly, she really brings joy to our life.  The most wonderful thing is first thing in the morning she gives this big huge smile.  She loves it when I sing to her.  

Joy is feeding a lot better now and she also is starting to sleep longer at night. I only get up once these days for a feeding.  I still wake up though, waiting for her to wake up.  

On Wednesday August 22, Will and I took her swimming for the first time.  Her Auntie Jenny and her cousin Dean came along to join us.  At first she cried but she got used to it.  I even got some laughs out of her.

Lately I have been struggling with the weight loss.  Really struggling with saying no to junk food.  The good thing is that we got our gym membership back up.  I have gone twice this week so far.  I heading out soon to go today.

Have a great day!



Thursday, August 9, 2012


Well things have progressed with me in the sugar issue.  I have now cut it out of my coffee.  I did not think I could ever do it.  I do not even use sweetener.  There is something I do notice, I will have a muffin, or a little donut hole I find myself wanting more and more sweets and sometimes even chips.  This battle against sugar is not an easy one but I will overcome.  The one thing I really make the effort to have in the house is fruit.  The better choice.  Yes, it does have natural sugar but the human body can handle that kind of sugar.  So my total weight loss since having the baby is 42lbs!


Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods

Tuesday, July 24, 2012


It was a frustrating night, up every 2 hours for feedings.  This morning, it was all worth it.  When she finally was ready to get up around 8:30am.  We have music going in her room constantly.  We notice that she loves music and it relaxes her.  As I was changing her diaper I was singing along to the music and she was just smiling away.  Instead of bringing her down to the living room we sat in the chair in her room.  As I was singing along it sounded like she was trying to sing along with me.  I love these moments with Joy.  You know she is happy and excited because those hiccups came.  The best thing that happened to me since I got married was being a Mom.  I would not trade anything for her.  Joy is doing what her name is, she has brought joy to our life.


Monday, July 23, 2012


The hardest obstacle for me in this weight loss is sugar.  I have such a sweet tooth.  When I make coffee I have to have sugar but I have been using sweetener but I know they are not that good for you either.  So I try to avoid having coffee too often.  Using the flavored coffee helps.  Most of them are 5 calories and 1g of carbohydrates.  So I am able to get away with not adding sugar.

Another way is I try to go for fruit instead of chocolate bars and other candy or cake.  As long as I have fruit in the house it helps.  When I am out that is where I mess up.  I will end up getting a chocolate bar.  The good thing is that I have been staying away from pop, and when I do have that urge I will have a diet pop.  Maybe I should try that nestle carbonated water as a substitute.

Gotta run! Joy is awake.


Wednesday, July 18, 2012


Last night was a struggle.  I was hungry and the temptation was so strong to just order a pizza.  The good news is that I did not give in.


Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Weight loss

Well since I have had the baby it has been a struggle to get back on track with my healthy eating.  I am a big stress/emotional eater.  Adjusting to life with a newborn has not been very easy.  So thankful for the help from my Mom.  I considered being a part of a new show on weight loss but there was an issue and that was because I could not get a registered dietitian.  Honestly with the increasing issue of obesity that should be covered under OHIP.  The positive end is that I do get some assistance from my hubby's work and they do all over the phone.  

Yesterday I officially started tracking my food on My Fitness Pal.  It was so hard yesterday.  I was naughty. Today I was better.  I went to MacDonald's and had a Chicken Caesar Salad and a diet coke.  Normally I would get a double quarter pounder meal with large fries and large coke. It is a start.  Next time I think I should just stick with water.  I do crave the carbonation a lot.  So I will opt for the diet pop.

The weight loss so far since I had the baby is 38lbs.  Pretty much the pregnancy weight is gone.


Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Monday, July 16, 2012

Overwhelmed with Life

There is so much in my life that is going on.  Adjusting to having a baby.  It is not so easy.  I knew that it would not be an easy change in life.  It just seems to be taking longer than expected.  So many things I have noticed is that Joy does not handle large amounts of people at once and she gets really nervous around other children.  I notice she is so jumpy.  I love this weather we are having.  It is frustrating not being able to take Joy out to enjoy it because she seems to have a negative reaction.  

As you read in the previous entry it was also Faith's 2nd Anniversary.  

Then there is other situations. I just want to be able to be honest with people with being ignored afterwards.  I have held in so much.  It is getting to the point where I cannot take it anymore.  It feels like my husband and I cannot do anything right.  So I have come to conclusion, we are just going to live our life and if anyone does not approve that is their problem.  We are happy with our life.  We do not need materialistic things to make us happy.  We do not need a car, nor a drivers license to be happy.  Yes, it is a bonus, but when your cannot afford a car, gas and plus insurance and maintenance what is the point? 

That is what is going on in my life right now.


Sunday, July 15, 2012

Faith's 2nd Anniversary

Today marked the second anniversary of Faith's birth and passing.  This year was harder than last year.  I spent it with my Mom and Joy.  It sucks that Will had to work.  Did not go anywhere.  I wish I was able to go the cemetery to visit her but I was not able to go.  I feel so bad for not going there, but that is the last place I should be to visit her.  

I spent the day shedding several tears and snuggles with Joy.  I think she sensed my sadness today because she has been fussy.

Always in my heart and mind Faith.  You may be in Heaven but you will never be forgotten.


Thursday, July 12, 2012

Joy's first Cold

I knew I would experience this eventually.  Still I feel so unprepared and helpless.  So far all we can do is give her saline drops for nasal relief.  It is hard to try to sleep at night hearing her cough, for the fear of her puking and choking on her vomit. 

One thing is that I am amazed that she is happy even though she is sick.


Friday, July 6, 2012


For the past several weeks I have had so much help from my Mom. Now that Mom has been trying to take steps back. I have been finding it hard. This morning it was so frustrating. Trying to figure out what she wants can be challenging.

Although I have my rough moments when I see that beautiful smile, it just makes me happy.


Monday, July 2, 2012


I cannot believe how fast 6wks has gone by. I just look at her and I am so happy. She mimics you, she even gives kisses.

Yes, I have my rough days. The really fussy days are hard. I am just so blessed to have a wonderful Mom to help out.


Tuesday, May 29, 2012


My intention was to breast feed.  After Joy being in NICU it totally messed that plan up.  I would pump but not enough milk was being produced.  So I was topping off with formula.  Trying to have her feed right from the breast was a no go.  She fed once or twice from the breast but not again.  Every time I tried she would take a total fit.  So not being able to feed breast milk was so frustrating to the point where I was having emotional break downs.  I had to make the switch to  formula.  

I think people should really stop putting the pressure to breast feed.  I understand that it is better for the baby but at the same time not everyone cannot can produce it. 


Saturday, May 26, 2012

Bundle of Joy

It has been a while since my last post.  It has been very busy time.  My last ultrasound I had was May 16 and it showed that Joy was breach and they said that she weighed 9lbs 8oz, maybe even more.  I am thinking yikes! I hope they are wrong,  So I ended up having to go for a C-Section.  Since there was another issue, my doctor decided to kill two birds with one stone.  She also removed an ovarian cyst.  May 19 at 2:52am Joy Anne Marie was born.  She weighed 11lbs 6oz!!!! Oh my goodness, I am so glad that I had a C-Section as much as I did not want it.  Joy spent a few days in the NICU because she had an issue with her blood sugar levels were too low,  It broke my heart for her to be removed from my room.  Once that issue was taken care of her jaundice levels where up.  So they decided to have her under the lights and the plus side of that is she was in my room for that.  

Now we are home and enjoying every moment with her. 


Thursday, May 3, 2012

37.5 wks

Well I am almost to the end of my pregnancy.  I am happy now at any time Joy can come.  The tiredness is getting worse.  Starting to get very moody now.  Finding it difficult to get out, and at the same time hate being stuck inside.  Try to walk around and it hurts from the waist down.  Last week I had a fall down some stairs.  Baby and I are fine.  I am so surprised that did not progress things a long.  Getting anxious to meet my baby girl.  Just want her to come.  The frustrating thing is that everyone tells me, "She will come out when she is ready".  I am at the point where I am going to scream if one more person tells me that.  I have been waiting two years for this.  To bring home a baby from the hospital.  So glad that I have some Angel Mom's who totally understand exactly the impatience I am experiencing.  

Last week I had an ultrasound, the they say she is approximately 8lbs 6oz, YIKES!!! My biggest fear is delivering a 10lb baby.  I hope they are off on that.


Sunday, April 15, 2012

Counting Down

Tomorrow I will be at the 35 wk mark. At this point in my pregnancy with Faith I just gave birth to her quickly welcomed her in and then said good bye. So I am happy I met this milestone with baby still in tummy. Honestly I actually thought that I would have Joy by the 35 wk mark because of the way I have been feeling. In the last few weeks I have spent more time resting and not doing much. It is boring but I have to think of the baby I am carrying and myself.

It is frustrating though when I go to the grocery store just down the street. So hard to do the walk now. I hate not being able to really go anywhere.

As I am getting closer to my due date the excitement is building up. The moment I have been waiting for. Thank you all for following my blog and my personal journey.


Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Wk 34

Well I am into my 34th wk of pregnancy, I am so happy I am almost near the end. Everytime I feel Joy move and watch my belly just jump it is so exciting! That is one thing I will miss when she arrives. At the same time as it gets closer to the end the excitement is building up. Looking forward to holding her, looking into her eyes! I have been waiting a long time for this moment to come. It is almost here!

A couple weeks ago was the shower. I was so happy to see everyone there. It meant a lot to Will and I see our family and friends out who are just as excited as us for Joy to come.


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The Duggar's

Tonight I watched the season finale of 19 Kids and Counting. I knew what I was in for watching it. Having gone through my personal tragedy. This episode Jim Bob and Michelle were going for the big ultrasound, 18-20wk scan. They were supposed to find out the gender. Instead they got devastating news. Every pregnant woman's nightmare. There was no heart beat. Their response was this, "The Lord gives and takes away, Blessed be the Lord.". The way they handled that showed so much strength, yes they cried as expected.

How many of us were able to respond like that? When I got the news that Faith had a lethal form of dwarfism all I can say, "Why God?". I had so much anger and resentment for that. I didn't understand why He would take my baby girl away from me. The child we wanted, the child we love so much. Through this though Will and I are stronger. We learned to trust God. That is the hardest thing to do. The other day it came to me, we went through the test of Faith. Even though we have had to endure sorrow and grief, at the end will be Joy.

Thank you for reading my thoughts. Thank you Duggar family for sharing that difficult area in your life. If you only knew how many lives will be affected by this episode. Hoping that the viewing audience will find hope and healing as they go through their loss.


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Preparing for Baby Joy

I am 31 wks pregnant now. I am just so excited!!! It is getting closer to her arrival. At the same time the discomfort of pregnancy is getting to me. The feet swelling is really starting to puff out. Actually the swelling has just really started. My sleep patterns is not normal, and I do not expect it to get any better. It is so worth it! I have been on medical leave now for almost 3 wks. I thought I would get antsy, but I am enjoying this time to relax. Getting Joy's room ready.

This past weekend the painting of the room got done. It is a really nice color. It is CIL brand Paint and Primer in one, English Meadows. The crib is set up, Winnie the Pooh decal stickers are on the wall, furniture arrived yesterday. The room is almost ready.

As I am getting closer to Joy's due date I am trying to wean myself off coffee, that is not going to be fun!


Thursday, March 1, 2012


Yesterday was my 3D Ultrasound. It was just awesome! Seeing what my baby looks like. Looks like Will, and I also see the resemblance of Faith in the facial features as well. So precious. It is a girl! I just broke down in happy tears and was so happy! During the ultrasound she was always putting her feet and hands in face. I think she did not want to be bothered. The technician would put her hand on my belly to get her to move her hands and feet away from her face. Joy would move them for a second but right back. I can tell that Joy already has a personality. Less than 12 wks to go until my due date! I am so excited!


Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Trimester 3

Whoo Hooo!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited. I am in my final trimester of my pregnancy. Hard to believe it is here. In less than 13 wks we will be welcoming our baby. Everyday I feel the movement and kicks and love it.

I am trying to get rid of this cold and I seemed to notice that after a huge coughing fit baby gives me a good kick. So I do not think baby likes it too much.

Next week I go for my 3D Ultrasound. I just can't wait. I want to start calling the baby by the name.


Thursday, February 9, 2012

25 Weeks

I cannot believe it! Less than 15 wks to until I welcome my little one. I have so many fears. After losing Faith, I am just afraid I will be over protective of this little one.

Yesterday I put on the device to hear the heartbeat and the little one has quite the kick. Baby made the device move. I could not help but laugh.


Thursday, January 26, 2012


Well I am 23 weeks and 3 days pregnant. It is just exciting. I am now starting to feel the kicks a lot now. Today I was relaxed on the couch enjoying a snack I noticed the kicks are getting stronger. What an awesome feeling. When I was pregnant with Faith I did not feel the kicks like this at this point of the pregnancy. I felt them more at around 30 weeks. I am now also experiencing the discomforts of pregnancy such was being winded so quickly. Today at work I had my lunch and just as my lunch break was finished I was running to the washroom because the sudden urge to get sick came. It was so embarrassing as interviews were being done. I am thinking maybe it was the Twix bar I had. As I was trying to work I am feeling the pressure around my waistline. I finally clued in, the baby has the foot or had at the waist and the pressure was making feel sick. Again, I experienced that a lot when I was pregnant with Faith. It is like the baby is saying, "Mom you need to sit down and relax". How can you do that when you are at work? So when I got home I just got comfy on the couch and relaxed then I started to feel better. My hubby even put my feet on a cushion and put a blanket on me just to make sure I am comfy, I know I am spoiled rotten. Hurry up May! Hurry Up!!


Sunday, January 22, 2012

Getting Ready

As it is getting closer to the baby's due date I am getting more excited. It is also a reminder that we need to start to get the baby's room ready. Honestly, it has been a struggle to do that. I have been afraid to go a head with it. Baby had a clean bill of health. So many mixed emotions, so excited but so scared. This weekend we were supposed to see a movie together but I really had the desire to start to get the room ready instead. We had two movies in mind that we wanted to see but none of them were playing in the area. I guess we are supposed to get start getting the room ready.

Getting really excited we have booked our 3D ultrasound. I cannot wait. Hopefully we can find out the gender.

I would just like to send out a congratulations to all expectant Mom's out there! I am so happy that you get to share the joy. Those who are trying to conceive, I hope and pray that this is the year it happens!


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Back to the Gym!

Yesterday I finally got my butt to the gym after an absence of 1.5 months. It felt great to finally get there. I missed it. I even saw a friend of mine Krystal there. Wendi was there but I didn't get talk to her. This morning I am so tired and wiped out. Having a hard time figuring out if I should go. I just hate feeling so tired. I am afraid to push myself too hard and harm my baby. If I was not pregnant I would push myself to go.


Thursday, January 5, 2012

2011 In Review

2011 was a year of ups and downs. It started off bad but ended really well.

It started with Will losing his job. At first we were in unbelief. It was not an easy time for us finacially living paycheck to paycheck. How in the world can we live off my income alone? We are able to get capitalization on our mortgage payments so that helped us out. We still had a hard time though making ends meet. We still had not gotten over losing our daughter and that was just the icing on the cake. I was feeling like we were cursed or something. I am just thankful for family that has helped us out with food. Will got himself plugged into the John Howard Society and they worked with him to find employment. Will got hired on at Giant Tiger, in Whitby. They were opening a new store in Whitby. He was a couple wks away from starting then he got another employment opportunity in the field where he went to school for as a PSW. He is so happy now. He loves his job! I am so proud of my husband.

It came up to Faith's one year anniversary. I booked that time for my vacation because I just did not want to be around people at work and take out my mood on them. Will was working on her acutal birthday so we went up a couple days before alone and went together. On her acutal birthday a few of us went to the cemetary to remember her birthday. I am so blessed to have family and friends there with us. We went out for lunch with my friend Andrea. It was a nice time with her. I have gotten to know her a lot more and I am so blessed. The morning of Faith's anniversary I logged into facebook and learned of Will's Aunt Trudy's passing. We were just shocked. I did not get to know her that well, but when I did see her I saw a wonderful woman. The little time I got to know her I saw a woman who was loving and open. She also told you straight from the heart. I also got to meet some of Will's family as well this year, James, Suzie, John, Ken, Christopher and Scott.

The past year was an emotional rollercoaster. I had my good days and I had defintatley had my bad days. I have met some friends on facebook who have gone through the loss of their baby due to TD. I have had the chance to be there for others and see my friends welcome their rainbow babies. At the same time hoping and praying for my rainbow baby to come. There were a few times where I thought we finally got it and then I was disappointed to know we didn't. In September I was a few days late, and I didn't think too much about it. I had gotten sick with a cold and wanted some relief but the thought of being late was going in my head. I honestly didn't think I was pregnant I thought I was late because I just lost around 20lbs. Just to make sure I took a home test and sure enought it came back postive. I was so shocked! At that point I just gave up and focused on trying to lose weight. So just afer a year from Faith's original due date I got pregnant! The excitment of being pregnant was so there but at the same time I was so nervous. What if it happened again? Can I honestley really go through that again? Only time will tell. Went through the IPS test and everything is clear. I was so happy. At 15 wks I had an ultrasound just to ease my mind before Christmas and measurements were good. Then 19 wks came and we got the best news ever! Baby is growing normal. I just cried like a baby.

Christmas was awesome! My Dad came out to visit over Christmas. I think the last Christmas I spent with my dad was when I was a baby. So that was a blessing. Christmas is a busy time for my family. On the 23 is my Mom's birthday. That is when we have Justin over and do Christmas with him. Christmas Eve, Dad, Mom, Will and I went to Candlelight Service. Christmas Day was my side of the family. Mom, Dad, Jon, Maryann and Kyle. My Uncle Dave and Aunt Corrine stopped in for a visit too. I was even blessed with Christamas Eve and Boxing Day off as well. December 11 was the Farrow Family Christmas celebration. It was at Hillsdale where Will's Dad is. It was a great time. This year I did not win the Christmas trivia trophy. John's wife Suzie won. New Year's did not go that well. I was sick with the stomach flu all weekend.

2012 is going to be an exciting year for us. We are looking forward to welcoming our new addition around May 21, 2012.

I pray that 2012 will be a great year for everyone!

Happy New Year and all the best in 2012