Thursday, February 14, 2013

Dealing with Infant loss

Last night I had a rough night for sleeping.  Then Joy decided to wake up at 12:30 am.  I was a little annoyed, but as I am making her bottle I was reminded of a Mother who most likely getting up every 3 hours to feed her newborn, well last night she wasn't.  Instead she was most likely up all night grieving the loss of her 3 wk old son.  I was also reminded how upset it made me when people would complain about not getting any sleep when Faith died.  I had to repent right there and I do not think Joy understood but I apologized to her too.  It is a part of being a Mom.

Every time I hear of an infant passing away, whether it is genetic issues and expected, SIDS, or stillbirth my heart breaks for them.  I understand how they are feeling.  People think that we will get over it.  That is so not true, we never get over it!! We learn to cope.  Our lives are changed forever! 

Ways to help a friend or family who have are going through this difficult time:
  • Let them vent, they will be feeling angry and sad all at once.
  • Offer your shoulder to cry on.
  • Prepare meals for the family, believe me they will not want to cook.  They will appreciate that.
  • Take up a collection to help with burial expenses.
  • Let them share their memories about their child.
What not to do:
  • Not acknowledging the baby lived, the baby lived in the mothers womb, and maybe lived a short life after birth.  No matter how short the baby's life was they existed.
  • Do not say things like, "God has a plan", "It was for the better", "He/She is in a better place" "You will have another one"  No matter how many babies you have, they will never replace the one you lost.
  • Do not throw scripture in their face, that is the last thing they want to hear.  They are probably angry at God whether or not they believe in Him or not.
  • Avoid giving the pity look
  • Do not avoid them like they have the plaque.  This is the time that they need their friends and family for support. That will force the grieving Mother into isolating herself from others and it is bad enough that postpartum depression is creeping up.  Then there is the grief on top of it.

Thank you for reading my blog post.  I hope you have an understanding of what a grieving Mother goes through and is able to be there to help them through it!.