Saturday, January 29, 2011

Meeting Eli

Yesterday I got to meet my friend Becky's newborn son Eli. Lately I have been really going through the "I want a baby to hold" stage. Empty arm feeling just sucks the most. I enjoyed every moment holding him. I did have a moment where I held back my tears was when Eli's sister Resa was singing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star". It was such a beautiful moment. The hardest thing for me to do was put him down.

I miss my baby girl so much. Becky if you are reading, Thank you so much for letting me hold him. It meant a lot ot me.


Thursday, January 20, 2011

Just Past 6 Months

Last weekend was Faith's 6 month anniversary. Some days are still harder than others. I hate it when the days leading up to it my emotions are everywhere. I tend to snap. Those days I try to avoid being around people.

We got more bad news but I can't share that. It is hard to "Trust God". I want to but I find it very difficult to take those steps, and not be angry at God. All I can say on that issue is Help! Honestly I find it very hard to go to church. I feel that there isn't anyone to talk to because I know people will say, "Have faith, Pray etc." I am sorry but that is not what I want to hear. The church these days need to realize some people don't want advice they just want a shoulder to cry on and someone to listen. Please don't take what I am saying the wrong way. It is my thoughts and feelings coming out. I love you my brothers and sisters in Christ very much.

Now I find I am at the point if the sight of a baby doesn't upset me, I have the strong desire to hold that baby. I can't walk up to a stranger, "Oh may I hold your baby?" I think they will think I am some crazy woman. Hopefully we will concieve soon. I hate the empty arms feeling.

Thank you all for reading my blog entry.