Tuesday, June 21, 2011

On My Mind

As I am gearing up to what would be Faith's 1st Birthday I am going through a lot of emotions. I am not sure how I feel. In a way I feel relieved because she is in Heaven and not having to rely on a ventilator. Oh how I miss Faith so much. She was so precious to me. That little bit of time I had with her meant so much to me.

At the same time I am sad because I should be watching her taking her first steps. Hearing her first words, hearing her laugh. Reading her a bedtime story, tucking her in bed at night and singing to her. I should be preparing for her 1st Birthday. My heart aches that I am not experiencing all this. Mom's do not take these moments for granted. Cherish these moments you have. Some mother is in agony because she cannot experience it herself.

Today I was thinking, what is Faith doing in Heaven? I would love to see a glimpse of what she is doing. Is she singing, dancing, making her Great Grandparents chase after her. Is she playing with the other babies? So many questions. If only I knew.

Just a reminder, remember every moment you have with your child. They are so precious!


Thursday, June 16, 2011


I haven't been blogged for a while. I sometimes do not know what to post. I just do not want to be repetitive. Thinking of starting a new blog and putting an end to this one. Not sure what to do yet.

Lately I have been struggling with feelings of jealously and resentment upon hearing of a pregnancy. Whether it is a rainbow baby or not. I should be happy for them. I just want a baby. My own baby.

The other day at work there was this little boy and he had the cutest laugh. I could hear him laughing throughout the store. All I could think of, "I would love to hear Faith's laugh.". Tried to get emotional.

That is all I have to share for now.