As I am gearing up to what would be Faith's 1st Birthday I am going through a lot of emotions. I am not sure how I feel. In a way I feel relieved because she is in Heaven and not having to rely on a ventilator. Oh how I miss Faith so much. She was so precious to me. That little bit of time I had with her meant so much to me.
At the same time I am sad because I should be watching her taking her first steps. Hearing her first words, hearing her laugh. Reading her a bedtime story, tucking her in bed at night and singing to her. I should be preparing for her 1st Birthday. My heart aches that I am not experiencing all this. Mom's do not take these moments for granted. Cherish these moments you have. Some mother is in agony because she cannot experience it herself.
Today I was thinking, what is Faith doing in Heaven? I would love to see a glimpse of what she is doing. Is she singing, dancing, making her Great Grandparents chase after her. Is she playing with the other babies? So many questions. If only I knew.
Just a reminder, remember every moment you have with your child. They are so precious!
Anna
This blog is to share with you my personal journey. What started this blog was to share a memorial to my first born Faith Doris Farrow who was born with Thanatoporic Dysplasia. How I dealt with my grief in hopes it helps you. Also to share other aspects of my life, spiritual, family and life lessons.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Feelings
I haven't been blogged for a while. I sometimes do not know what to post. I just do not want to be repetitive. Thinking of starting a new blog and putting an end to this one. Not sure what to do yet.
Lately I have been struggling with feelings of jealously and resentment upon hearing of a pregnancy. Whether it is a rainbow baby or not. I should be happy for them. I just want a baby. My own baby.
The other day at work there was this little boy and he had the cutest laugh. I could hear him laughing throughout the store. All I could think of, "I would love to hear Faith's laugh.". Tried to get emotional.
That is all I have to share for now.
Anna
Lately I have been struggling with feelings of jealously and resentment upon hearing of a pregnancy. Whether it is a rainbow baby or not. I should be happy for them. I just want a baby. My own baby.
The other day at work there was this little boy and he had the cutest laugh. I could hear him laughing throughout the store. All I could think of, "I would love to hear Faith's laugh.". Tried to get emotional.
That is all I have to share for now.
Anna
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