Oshawa Zoo

Today I had my OB appointment. My blood pressure is up, still trying to keep it down. I know it is normal for pregnancy but I don't like it. Had to drink the carbonated orange drink, the gestational diabetes test. It was yummy! Heard Faith's heartbeat, it is good and strong!

Today I went to the Oshawa Zoo with my sister in law Jenny and my nephew Dean. I had a wonderful time. You can buy popcorn to feed to the animals too, I ended up eating most of it. It was yummy! Today I got to hold a chick for the first time. Unfortunalty I didn't have a pic from my camera.

Anna

27 Weeks Today

Today I am 27 Weeks pregnant. I cannot believe how quick the time is passing. In 13 weeks I will be giving birth to my baby girl. I just want her to prove these doctors wrong. It is hard to understand, this baby is wanted so much. Then we get these teenagers who get pregnant and have healthy babies. Why me? Why? I am happily married, did it right and this is what I get. I should be setting up the nursery but no instead I have to plan a funeral. NOT FAIR!!!!

Peace

As the days are going on, I am coping a lot better. My bad moments are not as often. One thing I can say, whatever the outcome, I am at peace. As much as I want my daughter to live. I can accept whatever God chooses.

Anna

The Word

I struggle a lot with spending time in the reading God's word and Prayer. In the christian walk it is crucial. Now that I am not working I have plenty of time to do it. Honestly I just lack the desire to do it. When I was younger I did it out of duty and it is the "thing" to do. I just don't want to do it out of "duty" or the "thing" to do. I want my heart to be in it. God give me the hunger and desire to read your work and to seek you.

Today I got in the work and found some verses and reminders that stuck out to me.

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female he created them" Genesis 1:27 (NIV)

"I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

It is a reminder to me because I constantly struggle with how I see myself. In God's eyes He loves me as I am.

It is also says that Faith is perfect no matter what. He has created her. I have no problem accepting her as her. It is to remind my baby Faith that she is perfect, and Will and I love her the way she is. Just like God loves her.

We all have flaws, but regardless of our flaws God loves us for who we are.

Anna

Mornings

I find that the mornings are difficult. That is when I cry like crazy. Why are mornings so hard? It supposed to be a new day where you start fresh. Instead you wake and don't want to get out of bed.

I spoke to my father in law and sister in law, Jenny today and it helped. As much as I cried my face off. After that the day got better. I spent some much needed time with my husband. We went to the library, returned some dvd's. We bought the movie "Simon Birch". I remember watching that years ago. It is funny and a tear jerker too. It is about a boy who is a dwarf, destined to die because he had a small heart. He lived and believed he had some purpose for his life, he was going to be a hero. People laughed at him and wouldn't believe it. Until the bus they were riding crashed and ended up in the lake. That is all I am going to tell you. Rent it or buy it.

Good Night!

Anna

Why?

Today is a not an okay day. I try to distract myself from situation. It just hurts so much. All I could do this morning is ask God, "Why????". I just don't understand why God would allow us to go through something like this. Wake me up, it feels like I am in a nightmare and I can't wake up. Then it hits me, no it isn't a nightmare it is reality.

As I am thinking of this maybe I should read the Book of Job. He lost everything but held on to God.

Anna

Better Day today

Today was a better day. I got to go out and do some shopping and visit with a friend of mine named Lisa.

I hate being cooped up in the house but at the same time I am afraid to go out in public as well. Just the site of a baby upsets me. I really don't need to have an emotional breakdown in public either.

I am blessed to have a wonderful church. Oshawa Community Church has been a wonderful support to Will and I in so many ways. Thank you OCC! You are loved by us and we appreciate everything you have done to help us out.

Love,

Anna

Oshawa Community Church
http://www.occonline.ca