Dealing with Infant loss

Last night I had a rough night for sleeping.  Then Joy decided to wake up at 12:30 am.  I was a little annoyed, but as I am making her bottle I was reminded of a Mother who most likely getting up every 3 hours to feed her newborn, well last night she wasn't.  Instead she was most likely up all night grieving the loss of her 3 wk old son.  I was also reminded how upset it made me when people would complain about not getting any sleep when Faith died.  I had to repent right there and I do not think Joy understood but I apologized to her too.  It is a part of being a Mom.

Every time I hear of an infant passing away, whether it is genetic issues and expected, SIDS, or stillbirth my heart breaks for them.  I understand how they are feeling.  People think that we will get over it.  That is so not true, we never get over it!! We learn to cope.  Our lives are changed forever! 

Ways to help a friend or family who have are going through this difficult time:

• Let them vent, they will be feeling angry and sad all at once.
• Offer your shoulder to cry on.
• Prepare meals for the family, believe me they will not want to cook.  They will appreciate that.
• Take up a collection to help with burial expenses.
• Let them share their memories about their child.

What not to do:

• Not acknowledging the baby lived, the baby lived in the mothers womb, and maybe lived a short life after birth.  No matter how short the baby's life was they existed.
• Do not say things like, "God has a plan", "It was for the better", "He/She is in a better place" "You will have another one"  No matter how many babies you have, they will never replace the one you lost.
• Do not throw scripture in their face, that is the last thing they want to hear.  They are probably angry at God whether or not they believe in Him or not.
• Avoid giving the pity look
• Do not avoid them like they have the plaque.  This is the time that they need their friends and family for support. That will force the grieving Mother into isolating herself from others and it is bad enough that postpartum depression is creeping up.  Then there is the grief on top of it.

Thank you for reading my blog post.  I hope you have an understanding of what a grieving Mother goes through and is able to be there to help them through it!.

Anna

Faith's 2nd Anniversary

Today marked the second anniversary of Faith's birth and passing.  This year was harder than last year.  I spent it with my Mom and Joy.  It sucks that Will had to work.  Did not go anywhere.  I wish I was able to go the cemetery to visit her but I was not able to go.  I feel so bad for not going there, but that is the last place I should be to visit her.  


I spent the day shedding several tears and snuggles with Joy.  I think she sensed my sadness today because she has been fussy.


Always in my heart and mind Faith.  You may be in Heaven but you will never be forgotten.


Anna

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Today is a difficult day. This was supposed to be my first Mother's day with my little girl. Instead she is in Heaven. I miss her like crazy. A friend sent me an email and she totally understands what I am going through. Then I started to think of my own Mom.

This is for you Mom! I am so blessed to have you in my life. You were there when I needed you the most. You supported me no matter what. Thank you for being you. I love you and wish you all the best!

Love, Anna

Mother's Day 2011

This weekend I am finding hard. I want to celebrate my Mom because she is an awesome woman! At the same time I am so sad because I am missing my girl. I just want to hold her and cuddle her. It hurts so much. I was determined not to go anywhere this weekend. I did go out a couple times. Honestly I couldn't go out once without someone wishing me a "Happy Mother's Day". You can't say much to them because they do not know me or know the past year has been like. So I hurry away to avoid having an emotional break down. It hurts so much. So if you happen to wish me a Happy Mother's day please do not get offended if I don't respond back. This is not an easy day.

Anna

33rd Birthday tomorrow

As we are coming up to my 33rd birthday and Easter weekend I am finding it difficult. Last year my birthday my only wish was the resutls from the amniocentisis was that Faith did not have Thanatophoric Dysplasia. I didn't get it. So I am reminded of that this year and not really in the mood to celebrate at all. At the same time I just want to go on and enjoy life. Still hurts a lot.

This year I am just glad to be surrounded by my family. That is what means a lot to me this year!

Anna

This Weekend

Last weekend started off well but didn't end very well. Maybe I pushed myself too hard. The next day at church something happned that totally ruined it. I spent the rest of the weekend in a really bad state. It lasted for two days. I was not able to do anything but sit at home and cry.

This weekend was way better. Friday my Mom moved in to her apartment! Yippeee!!!! I am so happy for her. She deserves to have a place of her own. She doesn't have to share her apartment with anyone! It is great to see Mom happy!

Saturday was my friend Traci's birthday party. It was awesome! We went Milestone's Resturant in Whitby. It was nice to sit back relax. Afterwards we hung out at Traci's for a bit!

Sunday I went to visit the church I used to attend in Ajax called Christian Life Centre. It felt like I was at home. It was nice to see everyone. My friend Andrea is home from Romania. It was so nice to see her. Whenever she is home I make sure I see her. She is a missionary. I got to meet the new Pastor, Pastor Sam today as well. I heard so many good things about him. The message was Emulate. Which means to Copy, Imitate. We are to imitate Christ.

After church had more fellowship time with Traci and Glen.

The rest of the day I spent it with my hubby! We have been having problems with our kitchen faucet. It was constantly dripping so we replaced it. Then it was leaking in the basement. That got fixed. Then the past few days we turn on the tap and it was a little tricle of water was coming out. The rest of the taps were fine all over the house. Will finally figured out the problem, it was clogged, well that got fixed today! Whoo hooo!!!

Tomorrow is day 3 of my weekend. I wonder what tomorrow will bring???

Good Night and God Bless you!!!

Anna

Still Missing Her

Seven months has gone by since Faith grew her wings. I miss her so much. I keep hoping and praying that I get to hold her in my dreams and that hasn't happened yet. It only happened once. Today I was thinking to myself, maybe we should have ventilated her. Regardless I would have loved her anyways. It just hurts so much. So many of my friends and family have came home with their baby. Why not me? Feelings of jealousy are still there but at the same time relief that they didn't have to go through what I went through. Well that is all for today.

Anna

Just Past 6 Months

Last weekend was Faith's 6 month anniversary. Some days are still harder than others. I hate it when the days leading up to it my emotions are everywhere. I tend to snap. Those days I try to avoid being around people.

We got more bad news but I can't share that. It is hard to "Trust God". I want to but I find it very difficult to take those steps, and not be angry at God. All I can say on that issue is Help! Honestly I find it very hard to go to church. I feel that there isn't anyone to talk to because I know people will say, "Have faith, Pray etc." I am sorry but that is not what I want to hear. The church these days need to realize some people don't want advice they just want a shoulder to cry on and someone to listen. Please don't take what I am saying the wrong way. It is my thoughts and feelings coming out. I love you my brothers and sisters in Christ very much.

Now I find I am at the point if the sight of a baby doesn't upset me, I have the strong desire to hold that baby. I can't walk up to a stranger, "Oh may I hold your baby?" I think they will think I am some crazy woman. Hopefully we will concieve soon. I hate the empty arms feeling.

Thank you all for reading my blog entry.

Love,

Anna

First Christmas

This Christmas went better than I expected. It was still hard, I still cried. We lit a candle in her memory yesteday. Also I lit one for my Grandma Borchuk as this is her first Christmas in Heaven too. The days leading up to Christmas were not so easy. Christmas Eve at work was hard. Unfortunatley I could not get it off like I requested. A customer asked me if I had a little one. You don't know how to respond. It is like yes I have a little one but at the same time I don't. The only thing I can get out is no. Also I saw the nurse that delivered Faith too. All day long I was fighting the urge to cry. By the time my last break hit I let it out. I am so glad that I was surrounded by family. It meant a lot to me.

I hope you all had a good Christmas. Hoping 2011 will be a better one.

Anna

Snow!

Winter is coming, in my opinion when it snows, Winter is here!

Everytime it snows I get so emotional. It is so beautiful. Faith comes to mind. In my mind I hear her shouting with excitment. "Mommy! Daddy! It is snowing!" I also picture her building a snowman and then making a snow angel. Oh my I miss Faith so much.

Anna

Anna

Christmas is coming

Christmas is my favorite holiday. This year is going to be tough, but we are going to make the best of it.

This year I did not attend the Santa Claus parade, I am just not ready for that yet. I know just seeing all these parents with their kids will be hard to look at. Knowing that I will never have these moments with Faith. So insead I went to church for the IWorship night. Yesterday after the mall is closed they keep Santa's place open so pets can have their pictures with Santa. We caught the few kids just finishing up. Will and I go teary eyed and couldn't stand their any longer.

I know we will get through it, please be patient with us.

Anna