Today marked the second anniversary of Faith's birth and passing. This year was harder than last year. I spent it with my Mom and Joy. It sucks that Will had to work. Did not go anywhere. I wish I was able to go the cemetery to visit her but I was not able to go. I feel so bad for not going there, but that is the last place I should be to visit her.
I spent the day shedding several tears and snuggles with Joy. I think she sensed my sadness today because she has been fussy.
Always in my heart and mind Faith. You may be in Heaven but you will never be forgotten.
Anna
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Monday, April 18, 2011
The Wilderness
This past Sunday at church the topic was The Wilderness. James 1:1-5 really stuck out out me. Especially verses 3 to 4. "Because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish it's work so you may be mature and not lacking anything." James 1:3-4 (NIV) As I have stated in the past entries that this past year has been a nightmare. I questioned whether God was there or not. Hoped that by not terminating the pregnancy that God would reward me by proving the medical field wrong and bring home a healthy baby. Through it all God was there but no we didn't bring home our baby. So what good came out of this? Within the first 3 years of our marriage, getting pregnant, have to bury our child and to top it off my husband losing his job. That is a lot to go through within 3 years. Through this my Will and I have come through it all and we are still in love and stronger than we were as a couple last year. Anna
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Snow!
Winter is coming, in my opinion when it snows, Winter is here!
Everytime it snows I get so emotional. It is so beautiful. Faith comes to mind. In my mind I hear her shouting with excitment. "Mommy! Daddy! It is snowing!" I also picture her building a snowman and then making a snow angel. Oh my I miss Faith so much.
Anna
Anna
Monday, November 1, 2010
Christmas 2010
So last year I was so excited for this coming Christmas till my dreams got shattered. I had so many hopes and dreams. This would be Faith's first Christmas. It still is, she is just in Heaven. She gets to spend her first Christmas celebrating Jesus' birthday with Jesus! Ok I am jealous now, lol! My response was this, not making a big deal about Christmas, no Christmas Tree going up. It finally hit me. Faith would love the tree being up. Faith would be happy to see us enjoying Christmas. So this year as hard is it is going to be, I am going to enjoy Christmas and the tree is going up.
Anna
Anna
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
The Word
I struggle a lot with spending time in the reading God's word and Prayer. In the christian walk it is crucial. Now that I am not working I have plenty of time to do it. Honestly I just lack the desire to do it. When I was younger I did it out of duty and it is the "thing" to do. I just don't want to do it out of "duty" or the "thing" to do. I want my heart to be in it. God give me the hunger and desire to read your work and to seek you.
Today I got in the work and found some verses and reminders that stuck out to me.
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female he created them" Genesis 1:27 (NIV)
"I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14 (NIV)
It is a reminder to me because I constantly struggle with how I see myself. In God's eyes He loves me as I am.
It is also says that Faith is perfect no matter what. He has created her. I have no problem accepting her as her. It is to remind my baby Faith that she is perfect, and Will and I love her the way she is. Just like God loves her.
We all have flaws, but regardless of our flaws God loves us for who we are.
Anna
Today I got in the work and found some verses and reminders that stuck out to me.
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female he created them" Genesis 1:27 (NIV)
"I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14 (NIV)
It is a reminder to me because I constantly struggle with how I see myself. In God's eyes He loves me as I am.
It is also says that Faith is perfect no matter what. He has created her. I have no problem accepting her as her. It is to remind my baby Faith that she is perfect, and Will and I love her the way she is. Just like God loves her.
We all have flaws, but regardless of our flaws God loves us for who we are.
Anna
Friday, May 7, 2010
The Start
This is called Journey of Faith for a reason. I am currently 24 weeks pregnant and got a bad report. We are having a girl. When we found out we are having a girl we were going to name her Beth. After all this testing we had endured we decided to change her name to Faith. Faith means "Belief" and "Confidence". At that time we thought we were only dealing with Ventricular Septal Defect. Two days later after finding out even more heartbreaking news.
December 2009:
Great news! Will and I found out our precious child is on the way. A week before Christmas. Now that is a Christmas present. We were so happy. You know the "rule", "Shhhhh.... to wait for the first 3 months.". It was totally thrown out the window. I have known a few people who have suffered miscarriages at 4th and 5th month of their pregnancy. I couldn't contain myself.
February 2010:
I went for my 12 week ultrasound. I got a call from the doctor shortly after. The nuchel translucency was 6mm. At 12 weeks of pregnancy it should only be 3mm. An increased nuchel translucency is a possible sign of Down Syndrome. We could live with that. Those children are special and I melt every time I see them. I cannot help but smile.
March 2010:
I went for an Amniocentisis to find out exactley what is wrong. If you can avoid one of those, go for it. It hurt when that needle went in. When we got the results we were so happy. Chromosone count was normal, and it is a girl!
April 2010:
I was sent for a Fetal EKG. They were checking the heart cause with a high nuchel translucency result also could be heart condition. We learned that day her left ventrical was smaller than the right. The blood was flowing to the right side but not the left. That is fixable by surgery. A couple days later, I went for my 20 week ultrasound. They noticed that her limbs and rib cage are smaller than what it should be. It was a sign of dwarfism. That I can handle. The form that they were talking is called Thanatophoric Dysplasia. Which is fatal. They saved some amnio fluid from my amniocentsis and sent it off for further testing.
May 2010:
We got the offical results. Faith has been diagnosed with Thanatophoric Dysplasia. We are totally devasted by this news. We were sent to Mt. Sinai hospital for a second opinion. They also confirmed that is what she has and there is no hope for survival after she is born.
What is Thantophoric Dysplasia?
It is a fatal form of dwarfism. The rib cage and chest is too small and the lungs cannot develop and she cannot breathe on her own. She would require a breathing tube to help her breathe.
We have been advised to terminate but we won't. I don't believe in, and I refuse to play God. Will and I have placed Faith in God's hands and if chooses for her to live great! If not that is his choice. This is a difficult journey to be on.
We are relying on God for a miracle. I also accept His decision for Faith's life no matter what.
This is my blog, my journey of Faith. Hope this offers hope and healing to someone going through the same thing as I am.
Anna
December 2009:
Great news! Will and I found out our precious child is on the way. A week before Christmas. Now that is a Christmas present. We were so happy. You know the "rule", "Shhhhh.... to wait for the first 3 months.". It was totally thrown out the window. I have known a few people who have suffered miscarriages at 4th and 5th month of their pregnancy. I couldn't contain myself.
February 2010:
I went for my 12 week ultrasound. I got a call from the doctor shortly after. The nuchel translucency was 6mm. At 12 weeks of pregnancy it should only be 3mm. An increased nuchel translucency is a possible sign of Down Syndrome. We could live with that. Those children are special and I melt every time I see them. I cannot help but smile.
March 2010:
I went for an Amniocentisis to find out exactley what is wrong. If you can avoid one of those, go for it. It hurt when that needle went in. When we got the results we were so happy. Chromosone count was normal, and it is a girl!
April 2010:
I was sent for a Fetal EKG. They were checking the heart cause with a high nuchel translucency result also could be heart condition. We learned that day her left ventrical was smaller than the right. The blood was flowing to the right side but not the left. That is fixable by surgery. A couple days later, I went for my 20 week ultrasound. They noticed that her limbs and rib cage are smaller than what it should be. It was a sign of dwarfism. That I can handle. The form that they were talking is called Thanatophoric Dysplasia. Which is fatal. They saved some amnio fluid from my amniocentsis and sent it off for further testing.
May 2010:
We got the offical results. Faith has been diagnosed with Thanatophoric Dysplasia. We are totally devasted by this news. We were sent to Mt. Sinai hospital for a second opinion. They also confirmed that is what she has and there is no hope for survival after she is born.
What is Thantophoric Dysplasia?
It is a fatal form of dwarfism. The rib cage and chest is too small and the lungs cannot develop and she cannot breathe on her own. She would require a breathing tube to help her breathe.
We have been advised to terminate but we won't. I don't believe in, and I refuse to play God. Will and I have placed Faith in God's hands and if chooses for her to live great! If not that is his choice. This is a difficult journey to be on.
We are relying on God for a miracle. I also accept His decision for Faith's life no matter what.
This is my blog, my journey of Faith. Hope this offers hope and healing to someone going through the same thing as I am.
Anna
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